By which I mean the isolation part of things…
It’s probably been the hardest three weeks of my life, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I’m not at the stage where I can really talk about what has gone on – even here. Maybe I never will and to be honest I’d happily let it all fade into distant memory.
But what I can talk about is how I’ve surprised myself in dealing with it all.
I’ve always had a vindictive side to my character, when things aren’t going my way I can argue my way around most objections – I’ve always considered it a skill but often it’s actually been a hindrance. And that side of my character has dominated a lot of personal interactions over the years, combined with a need to be right and be acknowledged as being right.
So chuck into that mix hurt,pain and betrayal… and it all could have been a combustive mix.
Instead I’ve viewed events with a strange rational calm and focus on putting things right. Yes there have been days of melancholy and sadness but these have been outweighed by a recapturing of fun and happiness in the house.
I don’t know where this all leads but it’s made me realise how far I’ve come in my journey with him. It’s been a long path changing those bits about myself I’ve never been happy about. A long path shifting my focus from my needs and wants to those who I care about, less material more meaningful. A long path getting closer to the one who has always been there in my life.
2020 was meant to be the year I completed the first part of my Christian journey – and I never dreamed that so much would be thrown my way, so many challenges and tests of faith.
Yet here I am.
…and through this I have had a kindred soul a guide and friend keeping me on the path.
Again I’m not sure how to talk about all that or it’s meaning in my life at this stage. Maybe I’m scared of committing to writing half formed thoughts and feelings – maybe confusion still clouds my forward view.
Still here I am…
The song was shared with me the day after the second big shock…shared on the prompting of the holy spirit by someone who had no idea what had just gone on in my life…
My fave photo of the last 3 weeks – Isaac’s birthday with his cousins